One of the activities we enjoy at our summer home is watching the squirrels that live on our property. They have feelings. They exhibit joy—they love chasing each other up and down trees—and they get angry. Ever been scolded by a squirrel? I have. They also experience grief.
Several years ago, my husband and I were going to a theatrical production with friends. As our group approached the theater, we observed a squirrel that was very upset, clearly in panic mode. We quickly saw the cause of his concern. A vehicle had struck his companion, who now lay, deceased, in the middle of the street. Chirping hysterically, distraught over the loss of his friend—perhaps a family member—he was inconsolable and continued to express his grief as we proceeded to our destination.
Early this week, I heard great commotion outside. Looking out our office window, I saw two squirrels having, what appeared to be, a disagreement. I don’t know what they were arguing about, but they were definitely making their opinions known. Evidently, they used an effective communication technique because, in no time, they had made peace and were back to chasing each other, having a great time.
I think marriage counselor Jimmy Evans would approve of our squirrels’ conflict-resolution skills. “We need to learn how to approach one another when we are angry,” he writes. “This is such a critical lesson for us to learn because uncontrolled or unrighteous anger can be so destructive. … Today’s anger is very manageable. Yesterday’s anger is dangerous, because it has fermented.”
Copyright © 2010
Photo by Tim Seed
A professor for a university course I took a few years ago asked students to write a response to the following question: Why should words be important to followers of Christ? Ever since, I have been more conscious of the words I speak and more aware of the word choices of others.
There is great power in the words we say. “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21, NIV). When we speak negative, hurtful words into the lives of others, our words produce death and destruction, but “pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24, NIV).
Parents who call their children hurtful names or pronounce negative predictions in their presence will reap the words they sow. “In every home, it’s easy to sling around words without thinking,” writes author Joy Burgess. “The thing is, words can have long-lasting effects, especially on your children. The words you use with your children can either build them up or destroy their self-esteem.”
Glen Williams, director of E-Home Fellowship, Inc., defines verbal abuse as any language that causes harm. “Criticism, cursing, recounting past offenses, expressing negative expectations, yelling, expressing distrust—all are forms of verbal abuse,” says Williams. “Many have made their child a loser by calling him so. … All parents beware. Careless words can cause serious harm to children. Careless words can harm a spouse, as well.”
“I have known many couples who begin every serious confrontation with threats of divorce or by calling their spouses terrible names," writes Jimmy Evans, marriage counselor and director of Marriage Today. “Remember this, words are nuclear and eternal. ... People who don't understand this damage each other and ruin their chances at happiness.”
When I was a child, we used to sing, “Be careful, little tongue, what you say.” Regrettably, I have not always followed that advice. As a follower of Christ, I want the words I speak to communicate life, not death. I want to build up my spouse, children and friends, not knock them down. “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14, NIV).
Copyright © 2010
