Be careful, little tongue, what you say

A professor for a university course I took a few years ago asked students to write a response to the following question: Why should words be important to followers of Christ? Ever since, I have been more conscious of the words I speak and more aware of the word choices of others.

There is great power in the words we say. “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21, NIV). When we speak negative, hurtful words into the lives of others, our words produce death and destruction, but “pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24, NIV).

Parents who call their children hurtful names or pronounce negative predictions in their presence will reap the words they sow. “In every home, it’s easy to sling around words without thinking,” writes author Joy Burgess. “The thing is, words can have long-lasting effects, especially on your children. The words you use with your children can either build them up or destroy their self-esteem.”

Glen Williams, director of E-Home Fellowship, Inc., defines verbal abuse as any language that causes harm. “Criticism, cursing, recounting past offenses, expressing negative expectations, yelling, expressing distrust—all are forms of verbal abuse,” says Williams. “Many have made their child a loser by calling him so. … All parents beware. Careless words can cause serious harm to children. Careless words can harm a spouse, as well.”

“I have known many couples who begin every serious confrontation with threats of divorce or by calling their spouses terrible names," writes Jimmy Evans, marriage counselor and director of Marriage Today. “Remember this, words are nuclear and eternal. ... People who don't understand this damage each other and ruin their chances at happiness.”

When I was a child, we used to sing, “Be careful, little tongue, what you say.” Regrettably, I have not always followed that advice. As a follower of Christ, I want the words I speak to communicate life, not death. I want to build up my spouse, children and friends, not knock them down. “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14, NIV).

Copyright © 2010

A bag of sugar-coated gumdrops

Recently, my husband and I were waiting in line at a building supply store. The woman in front of us was checking out her purchases. In her cart was her daughter, 3- or 4 years old, who was crying and screaming because she wanted to get out of the cart. After some resistance, the mom, understandably embarrassed by the commotion her little tyrant was causing, removed the girl from the cart and placed her on the floor. The child immediately took off and, in no time, was out of sight. The mother helplessly called the girl to come back but, because she was in the middle of her transaction, did not pursue the child. A short time later, the girl returned with a large bag of sugar-coated gumdrops and gave it to her mother, who proceeded to purchase the candy. The girl was all smiles as the two exited the store.

I couldn’t believe it! The little girl had not only won the battle, she had been rewarded for her rebellion. It was evident that the child was in control and the adult was not, and that an already established pattern had just been reinforced.

I don’t claim to have all the answers to this woman’s dilemma. It must be extremely difficult to parent in today’s politically correct culture where, if a parent disciplines his or her child in a way that seems too severe to a bystander, the parent risks being turned over to authorities for child abuse. Child abuse is definitely unacceptable, but political correctness (PC) has gone too far when a parent must refrain from appropriate discipline out of fear.

Such PCness does not protect children, it harms them. I shudder to think what the future holds for the child we saw in the store, and for her mother. With lack of discipline, where will the girl be at age 10, 15 or 18? Barring a miracle, the rebellious behavior established in her preschool years will follow her into adulthood and lead to numerous lifelong problems.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11).


Copyright © 2010